I feel like this essay was done in three different parts. It went from decribing a boring town in the most nice and exciting way possible and the town still seemed like it sucked to interviewing the sweet little girl that we can all relate with, to ending on a never ending paragraph after paragrph definition of relational aggrestion with elementary school girls.
I feel like the author could have done a better job of mixing all of those three topics up and also realize that she doesn't need to keep on explaining relational aggresion...we have all experienced it!.....but maybe I'm being a little biased because the essay says that boys are usually classified as "physical aggresors", so I guess that explaining relational aggresion that much makes sense. I just feel like the way the author organized her essay made it seem like she was starting a novel. I had a good point to make and I thought it was original. Now I have a better idea of how I want my essay to be.
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Hey Gabi,
I felt the same way about this essay. It could have used better transitions to start a new topic, because it abruptly changes from one topic to the next that it does seem like it is in three different parts. The same thing with the intro., the author was trying to make the town seem so interesting when we can realistically visualize that it is a boring and small town. Although her "show" details were good.
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